CLGS

Montclair United Methodist Church

John 20:19-31
1 John 1:1-2:2

NOTE: Montclair United Methodist Church was beginning the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation, and I was asked to preach for Sunday morning worship, which was followed by a potluck dinner and panel of people from other United Methodist Church congregations that had considered this decision, most of which did become a Reconciling Congregation and one which decided not to.

It is a blessing it is to be here with you today. I am happy to be invited to worship, and especially to share the word with you. I also look forward to the luncheon and discussion together after church.

It is also an honor to be invited into your midst as you are considering the question of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. I commend you for addressing the question. In talking with your pastor Chris Shiber and the Chair of your Reconciling Congregation Task Force Linda Robison in preparation for today, they each have spoken of honest and open discussions, candid and caring questioning, deep and deliberate thinking. It is the sign of a strong congregation that you can even approach a subject as charged and as important as that of stating your openness to gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people in the life of the church, and specifically this congregation. This is the subject that every old line protestant denomination is dancing around. It is an issue on every level and area of legislation and interpretation of law. I will acknowledge that we have come a long way; but there is still a long road ahead. Thank you for your willingness to walk down that road with others concerned about the future of the church.

I find the gospel text this morning consoling for those of us who like to ask questions. In the second part of the reading from John's gospel account, we hear the familiar story of Thomas. The Doubting Disciple. Or as we from Missouri like to call him, "The Show Me Disciple." Questions and suspended belief can be uncomfortable—both for those who pose the question as well as those to whom the question is addressed

Reading the text carefully gives us an insight to this story. Thomas missed the visit that Jesus had made earlier to the disciples, and expresses his skepticism. "Unless I see the nail holes in his hands, put my finger in the nail holes, and stick my hand in his side, I won't believe it." Some say that it was Thomas touching Jesus' wounds, feeling with his fingers the reality of the crucifixion that led him to his confession of faith. But I think it was equally—or more importantly—Jesus' graciously offering himself to Thomas. Jesus did not shame Thomas for doubting, but offered himself as assurance. This offering causes Thomas to exult, "My Master! My God!" The words of a true believer. Jesus said, "Thomas, you believe because you have seen with your eyes. Blessed are those who have not seen, and yet believed."

Doubting, questioning, asking for proof are all human traits. Nothing to be ashamed of, but important in the process of making decisions.

This morning I would like to offer a few stories, not as a response to any specific question, not as proof of any one idea or another. I will speak simply as a witness to what I have seen and what I have experienced as a lesbian, as a believing Christian, and as an active and committed United Methodist.

My own congregation of Epworth United Methodist Church began the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation over 20 years ago, before I started attending there. But after a period of study the question was dropped, and no vote was ever taken. The consensus of those who tell it was that "it wasn't the right time in the life of the congregation."

Epworth is an open and friendly congregation. When I was going through my own process of coming out, I found several people in whom I could confide, people who did not condemn or question my new identity.

Having a faith community to support me during this process was powerful! I had been raised in a very conservative church where the only teaching about sex was "Don't do it until you're married!" Or as that has been interpreted, "Sex is dirty. Save it for someone you love."

My first encounter with the word "homosexual" came in the 1950s when I was about 10 years old and a deputy in the State Department was forced to resign when he was "outed," meaning that someone else revealed to others that he was gay. My dad and I often watched the evening news together, and after the story ended I asked, "Daddy, what's a homosexual?"

After clearing his throat more times than was necessary, he mumbled something like, "Well, it's when men have sex with other men."

"So, Daddy, why did he have to quit his job just because he likes men that way?"

More throat clearing and harrumphing.

"Well, when you're 'like that' you're open to blackmail and all kinds of trouble because that's something that should be kept secret."

"But Daddy, John Cameron Swayze just told everybody that he's a homosexual. Why does he still have to quit his job?"

My dad's frustrated response was simply, "Well, it's just wrong. The Bible just says it's wrong. That's why." Even though I still had more questions, I knew the conversation was closed.

It wasn't until after my husband and I had been divorced for a number of years that it finally dawned on me why all of my friendships with women were so intense, why I felt rejected when women friends had married, why my relationships with men were always pleasant, but not exciting. I hadn't known that I had a choice when it came to falling in love.

While recognizing that I was lesbian was a great relief in that it explained a number of things I had previously thought were "wrong" with me, it was also confusing because of the condemnation I had learned from my early faith community. And so that journey of coming to accept not only that I am lesbian, was also accepting that I am still one of God's beloved creation, still connected with the Holy Spirit. My understanding of God's grace was expanded, and I had a renewed belief in the radical inclusiveness of Jesus' ministry and teaching. My coming out was an important piece of my spiritual journey, and an experience that deepened my faith and confidence in God's love.

And so when Epworth decided to begin the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation again, I was skeptical. "We're just fine the way we are. I know I'm loved and accepted. Other gay and lesbian people will sense that." A part of my reaction was not wanting to be "studied," have other people discussing aspects of my life that were none of their business. I had just gone through the process of becoming a reconciling Christian with myself. I think I was still a little fragile. But Epworth did begin the process again.

I stood back in the beginning. I didn't want to be hurt by some of the opinions that might be expressed.

People were invited to talk about their fears, their doubts, their hopes, and their longings. Families with young children said they wanted their children to know that acceptance is a value not just in the community but also in their church. Many people said they wanted a place where they could bring their gay nephew, their lesbian daughter, their bisexual mother where they would know they were welcome not just by the warmth of a greeting but see in words that they were welcome in this house of worship. And some rightfully noted that it would say to the larger United Methodist Church that we believe the church should move toward inclusiveness instead of exclusiveness.

At our Charge Conference in 1989, Epworth voted to become a Reconciling Congregation. The vote was 49 for, and 2 against.

One woman who had moved away but retained her membership at Epworth threatened to stop sending her tithe. She wrote some angry letters and kicked up a fuss with a number of phone calls, but her checks continue to arrive in the mail, and she comes to church occasionally.

One couple said they would have to leave the church if we became reconciling. And they did leave the community of Epworth.

Nobu Hanaoka was our pastor when we became a Reconciling Congregation. Just a year later his youngest daughter told him that she is lesbian. Nobu was grateful that the welcome already had been extended to her.

We did get some new members who were lesbian or gay, most of who were already connected in some way to Epworth so just sort of came back. We didn't have leather-clad dykes arriving on motorcycles, or suddenly have the pews filled with gay men.

You see, you may be unfamiliar and uncomfortable with the gay community, but the gay community is far more suspicious of the church. The most vocal and strident condemnation of gay and lesbian people has come from the church and its pulpits. People have used the Bible to beat us up and bolster their position, just as the Bible was used to support slavery, used to oppose integration, and used to deny ordination to women. You can take a few verses of the Bible out of context to support many concepts and ideas. But that doesn't mean that you're right. The big picture of God's message to humankind is justice, love and compassion to all people, no one set aside for less consideration.

Two lesbian couples with children have joined Epworth, one of them just recently. They appreciated that Epworth was a Reconciling Congregation, but the biggest reason they joined Epworth is because there is ethnic diversity, and their Chinese daughter would feel at home.

We've welcomed even more young families, forcing us to renovate our nursery and children's Sunday School classes. And for the first time in many years a number of graduate students from Cal have found a home while studying here. I'm not attributing all of our church growth to the fact that we're a Reconciling Congregation, but I am saying that that has been a factor in our increased awareness and outreach.

Some of our programs have changed—the Reconciling Ministries Committee is active not just in addressing issues of sexual orientation and gender identity, but also economic justice, peace, and protection of the environment. You see, the meaning of reconciling also is diverse.

We also see more of the pain in the world. We recognize World AIDS Day and add our support to finding a cure for AIDS and treating the people who are living with AIDS with dignity and love. During Joys and Concerns we who are gay and lesbian can speak of our own unique pains and victories—the outrage at the murder of transgendered teen Gwen Araujo last fall, the joy of a child's adoption finalized. We know a wider range of both hopes and fears.

Becoming a Reconciling Congregation gave us a voice that lifts up the Christian values of justice and love. We added our voice to the very few voices of faith who are speaking out for the advocacy of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people. We need more voices with that message.

Right now the loudest and most recognized voices claiming that they speak for religious values come from the 'Jerry Falwells' who blamed the terrorist attacks of September 11 on gays and abortion rights activists. Even our own denomination states in the Book of Discipline that living as a gay person is "incompatible with Christian teaching," more subtle but no less condemning. The media shows the Reverend Fred Phelps who carried a sign at the funeral of murdered Matthew Shephard that proclaimed that Matthew was burning in hell because he was gay. The Reverend Phelps's web site is www.godhatesfags.com.

There was a piece just yesterday in the San Francisco Chronicle noting that hate crimes rose again in 2002.

The number of hate crimes committed against gays and lesbians rose locally and nationally last year and included the murders of a transgender Newark teenager and a bisexual Salinas man, an anti-violence group (CUAV/Community United Against Violence) said Friday. Locally, CUAV reported big jumps in the number of incidents involving Latino victims, from four reports in 2001 to 89 reports last year, and bisexual victims, from 17 to 57 incidents.

Violent words breed violent acts. People feel justified in attacking and even murdering when the most vocal church leaders lead them in that direction.

Do these voices speak for your faith? Do you hold condemnation and hate as Christian values? Where are the voices of compassion and equality to drown out these voices of hate and division? The Christian faith values of compassion and acceptance need to be read in letters to the editor, need to be heard in conversations around the water cooler, need to be spoken of in discussions over the back yard fence with neighbors. The world needs to hear those voices of reason.

Let's return to the first part of the gospel reading today. This was the Sunday evening after Jesus' death on Friday. Mary had told the disciples that she had seen Jesus, that he was not dead. They obviously gave that report little credit, for Jesus finds them locked away, hiding in fear. After mystically entering the room though the door was locked, he says, "Peace be with you," the common greeting of the day. But Jesus says this in a different way—it is the fulfillment of his promise of the gift of his peace. The followers are locked away for fear of the authorities, and Jesus tells them they need not be anxious for his peace will be with them in their lives.

Then Jesus shows them the wounds in his hands and side, making the connection between the human man they had known and this resurrected Christ. And then he repeats "peace be with you" and adds, "Just as God sent me, I am sending you." This is Jesus' commission to this frightened and motley group of followers, turning over to them the ministry he had begun.

And then in this room full of frightened and amazed followers, the scripture says, "Jesus took a deep breath and breathed into them. 'Receive the Holy Spirit.'" The verb used for this breath was used only once before in the scripture—when God breathed living spirit into the first human. Jesus was breathing the breath of a new life! The breath of a new creature! The breath of the Holy Spirit!

My friends, I think this is the answer to those questions: we can go with peace and confidence into an angry and anxious world because the peace of Jesus is ours! The breath of the living Spirit of God is in every breath that you take. Just as God sent Jesus, God sends us.

Amen.